Sunday, October 25, 2009

Profile: Technology Todd


I have chosen to profile wiffler Todd "Technology Todd" R. first for a number of reasons. A seasoned veteran of the league, Todd R. could always be counted on to take a jab at the "ethnics" of the league and those who were struggling at the plate or in the field, which earned him renown as the most controversial player in all of wiffle history. As a related note, I recently received an email where Mr. Radical confessed that the controversial way he lives his life coupled with his love for soon-to-be canceled television programs have capped his number of total friends at four.

Name:
Todd R.

Favorite Position on the Field:
The non-snowy patches of grass.

Wiffle Ball Strengths:
"Acrobatic entrance onto the field, prior to the game. No actual "in-game" talents."

Wiffle Ball/Personal Weakness:
"What doctors call a little bit of a weight problem."

Wiffle Career Highlight:
"I would like to say the diving catch or winning home run, but none come to mind. I think that photo-shopping a wiffle bat into Hunky Newcomer's (Allen G.) Ensign picture and putting together a Boyz II Men slide show for Paul's farewell banquet is where I added more value."

Memorable Awards:
"Something Verlan gave me, that was in reference to some historical figure that i was not familiar with, but was funny to the more pretentious and educated players in the league.

Most likely to appear on the cover of Wonderful World of Wiffle Technology: the only publication against the auto spell check of wiffle to waffle in all current versions of Microsoft Word."

RC Willey Order:
Hot Dog with Ketchup and Onions X 2, with a Diet Coke

Favorite Piece of Wiffle Ball Folklore (or) Favorite Aspect of Lambert Memorial:
"The history and timelessness of Lambert Memorial. I can remember lonely Saturday morning in my BYU dorm in 2001 while Paul would be off to play Wiffle at some place on campus I had never heard of. I have to admit, I was more intrigued by the free hot dots, but I have always yearned to be a part of something that was clearly bigger than I was, am or will ever be."

Typical Wiffle Ball Outfit:
"Mesh Speedo pants from the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens, due to their accentuating and enhancing effect on key areas of my body."

Where Is He Now:
Raleigh, NC taking advantage of the large cluster of fine educational institutions to study the origins of "sock baseball," to put to rest once and for all the true name of "sock baseball" (contentiously regarded as "baseball sock" by some).

Career Stats (click to view):

1 comment:

Pace said...

Most controversial? I don't know about that... Most insensitive maybe. But I've seen too many controversies in my time at Lambert Memorial.