July 17, 2021 - Game Recap

Pace vs. Paul vs. Des
Score: 29-23-15
Location: Lambert Original (Paradise Valley, AZ)

In support of our Phoenix Suns, Des and I flew into Phoenix to catch game 5 of the NBA Finals (😢).  And in support of his mother, Paul drove into Phoenix; coming with his family by way of an unofficial, partial Lambert reunion in Denver.  (Let it be remembered that Paul was the 2004 recipient of the Purple Heart Award for his dedication to his aging family members.)

By some tremendous stroke of luck, our timing all synced up such that Paul unexpectedly called me on Saturday morning, and before you could say "R.C. Willey" a wiffle game was underway.  (Crato wanted to make it known that he was eligible for the game (i.e., off the DL from his foot injury), but he had a pre-arranged boating trip.)

The weather was a very manageable, if a bit balmy, high 80's / low 90's.  The summer cicadas hummed a steady droning buzz as a background track to the day's proceedings.  

The format would be 1 on 1 on 1 with each batter facing both opposing pitchers twice for a total of 4 innings.  I started off batting against Paul with Des in the field.  

Des throwing strikes in warm-ups

I hit a first-pitch homer over the left-field wall, then got a lot of ducks on the pond but had some weak pop-ups to end the inning with only 1 run.  Paul then faced Des.  I let a few get by me in the field, and Paul ended up with 2.  Des then came out swinging hard against my pitching, and ended up with 3 runs.  (When subsequently asked about how the game went, Des was very eager to emphasize that he won the 1st inning.)

In the 2nd inning the bats started to heat up.  I added 10 or so to my score, and Paul knocked in several as well.  For Des's turn at the plate he had a couple quick strikeouts by Paul, but then recovered and rallied for 5 or 6 runs.  

It was at this point that we took an unprecedented mid-game break for some of Jane's waffles.  The meal was scrumptious; adorned with fresh berries, topped with cream and jams and syrup, and chased with a backyard concoction of tangelos and blood oranges.  We all partook heartily, including Joelle, who was there as an emissary of the WWC (Wiffle Wives Club).  

This mid-game brunch turned out to have more of an effect than anticipated.  When we resumed play, and as the cloud cover started to give way to the hot sun, Paul started sweating syrup, and Des, overcome with the heat and discomfort, violently shed his shirt and tossed it aside on the exposed concrete.  

I once again mustered only a few runs off of Paul, who followed with 5 or 6 of his own off of Des to bring his tally within 1 run of mine.  

When Des was in the outfield, whenever one of the balls would get stuck in the oleander bushes (which is quite common), he would sort of make a few glances at the ball and pretend to make an attempt at retrieving it.  I figured that in his now-topless form he was worried about the chafe he would get from crawling around in there.  

Digging out a ball from the oleander

In the final inning, Des, hatless and without glasses, was too worn down to consistently attack the strike zone as a pitcher, thus surrendering a bevy of homeruns to me.  I brought my total score to 29.  

In Paul's middle part of the frame, he put up a good effort and looked like he might go on a surge.  But then I got him to hit a pop-up and a ground-out to secure my lead over him.

Des gave it a good effort in his bottom of the frame, but the gap was too wide, and he ended with 15.    

Game Highlights

• Instead of hitting for teams, we shot hoops for the honor to bat first.  
• Des's fitness tracker indicated that he had doubled his daily calorie-burn goal through the course of play, thus disproving the slanderous myth that wiffle is for lazy people.  
• When we were changing into our swimsuits after the game, I took the opportunity to pelt Des with a wiffleball in the right butt cheek.    

Wally in training.  Roping one to deep right and making it look easy.