Crato, Pace, and Spade Whittemore (Paul’s Father-In-Law) vs. Mark and Paul
WP: Crato
LP: Mark
Score: 11-6
HR: Spade W (2); Mark (2); Crato [1 (GS)]; Pace (1); Paul (0)
Mark looked sharp in the early going pitching his way out of a bases-loaded jam with no damage in the top of the 1st. Crato started out looking wild giving up 3 or 4 runs in the bottom half of the inning by issuing some walks and giving up some extra base hits to Mark (who continues to hit the ball well since he changed over to the Easton bat given him by Golden Boy). Then in the 2nd our bats started to come to life and Spade hit the first homer for our team (his first career HR) by depositing the ball into the bushy tree just beyond the foul pole over the left field fence. He followed it up with one of the best unwitting “disses” in league history (though I seem to remember an unwitting diss on John’s hitting coming from Jane Lambert that may beat this one) by telling Mark it was a “nice pitch”. Later, both Crato and I hit homeruns that were just outside of Paul’s reach, mine over the wooden gate in deep left with Paul crashing into (and bending) the fence with his two arms outstretched like a mummy, and Crato’s in the bushes in right center with Paul setting and jumping backwards creating a gorilla-size stir in the bushes.
The luck would just get worse for Mark on the mound as the game wore on. Mark tried to chase down a Crato foul ball along the driveway and just missed it and ended up losing his footing on the loose gravel and sustaining some cuts to his push-off leg. Later, Crato dinked a ball over the pitcher’s head in shallow right. With Mark taking no thought for his body, and Paul barreling in from the outfield, they met in what has to be the nastiest wiffle collision of all time. The blow caused Mark to fly backwards and his shattered glasses upwards. He lay in the dirt for a good while kicking his legs back and forth and moaning (so we could tell he wasn’t faking) and then he got up, sipped some water, and finished the inning. Turns out most of the blow was absorbed in his left eye and he was apparently coughing up blood later in the day. He’s currently listed as day-to-day. We called the game after the 3rd inning on account of needing to help everyone else set up for the wedding reception. In calling the game we all huddled around the pitcher’s mound and recalled our favorite Mark injuries. Mine was when he dove backwards on a sprint for a fly ball on the sidewalk in right field of Lambert Memorial and you could hear his hips clank against the concrete. Paul & Crato liked the time when he went head-first into the prickly bushes and had to have surgery to get a pricker out of his hand. Spade declined to comment.
WP: Crato
LP: Mark
Score: 11-6
HR: Spade W (2); Mark (2); Crato [1 (GS)]; Pace (1); Paul (0)
Mark looked sharp in the early going pitching his way out of a bases-loaded jam with no damage in the top of the 1st. Crato started out looking wild giving up 3 or 4 runs in the bottom half of the inning by issuing some walks and giving up some extra base hits to Mark (who continues to hit the ball well since he changed over to the Easton bat given him by Golden Boy). Then in the 2nd our bats started to come to life and Spade hit the first homer for our team (his first career HR) by depositing the ball into the bushy tree just beyond the foul pole over the left field fence. He followed it up with one of the best unwitting “disses” in league history (though I seem to remember an unwitting diss on John’s hitting coming from Jane Lambert that may beat this one) by telling Mark it was a “nice pitch”. Later, both Crato and I hit homeruns that were just outside of Paul’s reach, mine over the wooden gate in deep left with Paul crashing into (and bending) the fence with his two arms outstretched like a mummy, and Crato’s in the bushes in right center with Paul setting and jumping backwards creating a gorilla-size stir in the bushes.
The luck would just get worse for Mark on the mound as the game wore on. Mark tried to chase down a Crato foul ball along the driveway and just missed it and ended up losing his footing on the loose gravel and sustaining some cuts to his push-off leg. Later, Crato dinked a ball over the pitcher’s head in shallow right. With Mark taking no thought for his body, and Paul barreling in from the outfield, they met in what has to be the nastiest wiffle collision of all time. The blow caused Mark to fly backwards and his shattered glasses upwards. He lay in the dirt for a good while kicking his legs back and forth and moaning (so we could tell he wasn’t faking) and then he got up, sipped some water, and finished the inning. Turns out most of the blow was absorbed in his left eye and he was apparently coughing up blood later in the day. He’s currently listed as day-to-day. We called the game after the 3rd inning on account of needing to help everyone else set up for the wedding reception. In calling the game we all huddled around the pitcher’s mound and recalled our favorite Mark injuries. Mine was when he dove backwards on a sprint for a fly ball on the sidewalk in right field of Lambert Memorial and you could hear his hips clank against the concrete. Paul & Crato liked the time when he went head-first into the prickly bushes and had to have surgery to get a pricker out of his hand. Spade declined to comment.
Also, based on his recent struggles up in the Provo league*, we were all interested to see how Paul would play at Lambert Original in his first appearance as a married man. He ended up something like 1-for-5 or 1-for-6 with a Chavez y Chavez y Chavez single in his last AB.
Player: Lambert, Paul; Hits: 0, Avg: .000; Slg%: .000; OBP: .000; OPS: .000; 2B: 0; 3B: 0; HR: 0; RBI: 0; K: 2
Game Report by Pace Barker
*From the Provo Sports Bureau, Paul’s married-man stats at Lambert Memorial this season:
Player: Lambert, Paul; Hits: 0, Avg: .000; Slg%: .000; OBP: .000; OPS: .000; 2B: 0; 3B: 0; HR: 0; RBI: 0; K: 2
6 comments:
This is just what the younger generation of wifflers need to see--seasoned veterans still sacrificing their bodies for the game. I was very disappointed with some wifflers this week as they failed to show due to some light rainfalls. I was especially taken back by a certain african-american wiffler who called me before game time and posed the question, "So...do you think these are playable conditions?"
I am a seasoned veteran and I have never sacrificed my body for the game--getting actual exercise or receiving a minor cut, scrape, or burn would be inimical to the values of wiffle. This is why I have never officially supported Mark's approach. It is about finesse not effort. Mark is all about his body writing checks his skills can't cash.
I might add that if your body is injured in a brawl, that is acceptable, even condoned.
Let me add another thing for the record: Technology Todd might be the best wiffle name since Bob's pitch was named the Paul Reiser. Kudos to the Next Generation for that one. Also Kudos granola bar to Chavez y Chavez y Chavez, which was another fine addition. Does the Next Generation have someone that corresponds to Lavar Burton? Paul is kind of like Patrick Stewart because he is serious and had a really hideous poster of the Next Generation over his bed when he was growing up.
When do I get to write something on this blog, or do I have to always comment? I am spending way too much time with this.
The coolest thing about all of this is that I used the body writing checks line to Mika in reference to my injuries just two nights ago.
Update: I'm still spitting up blood due to what the doctor said was torn tissue in my sinus. He says to call him if it hasn't stopped by tomorrow. I also developed a real shiner on Monday that is now going away.
An awsome post-game moment happened when Pop's 6-year old offspring Alpha came running to her mom to show her a shiny red rock she found in the backyard. I sheepishly had to disclose that it was actually my dried up lugee.
I did see the dried up lugee rock, and if it can be relocated after Mark threw it away, it might be a nice addition to a future Hall of Fame.
The neat thing is that my daughter now has a special connection to Mark, in that she is the only one who has touched remnants of Mark's torn sinus.
Congrats to both of them.
No congrats to me for missing the game because I turned my phone off, especially since I was feeling it that day.
Props to Pace and Crato for a nice lunch at Julio's today.
In terms of injuries, I have no opinion on which approach is better, but I will add that I am the only one with a nickname that came as a direct result of a non-whiffle injury.
Props to Pops.
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