IP: Verlan (0), Pace (4), Paul (4)
Score: 18-21-10
Location: Patrick Henry Elementary School baseball diamond near Walter Reed & Columbia Pike (Arlington, VA)
This game had been on the docket for a few months as it was rumored that both Technology Todd and Verl would be descending on D.C. during the Thanksgiving weekend so it seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to play some 2-on-2 Gil Tyree wiffle. It turned out that Techno Todd couldn't make it down until too late so we decided to just play 1-on-1-on-1.
We were so out of the swing of things that when we started we were trying to figure out who should go first and we suggested alphabetical, but then we couldn't decide if it should be based on last name or first name, and then we couldn't decide if I should have to use my first name instead of my default middle name. Then it dawned on us that the way to settle all such disputes in wiffle is to hit balls and let the longest ball go first.
So Verlan started things off at the plate and I started at the mound. The wind was blowing pretty strong out to center field and the short grass and only 2 fielders indicated that this would be a good day for hitters. This was quickly confirmed when Verlan hit a leadoff homer. His next at bat was not quite as successful in offensive production terms but much more successful in wiffle terms. He hit a liner right at Paul who was playing in left field. Paul squatted down to grab it with both hands but his shorts ripped all the way from about the right hamstring to the top of his right buttock. He dropped the ball (he claims he would have definitely had it if not for the distracting shorts rip) and then we all cracked up for a good minute or two.
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| First the squat |
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| Then the tear |
At the end of 1 inning the score was Verlan (6), Pace (4), Paul (0). It looked like Paul's slump (which started once he got married) was determined to continue.
Verlan put up a 3-spot in the top of the 2nd but then I had a slugfest in the middle of the inning. I started it off with some dinky singles, which lured Verlan to play me a little closer and then I hit a couple over his head for homers. Then things got a little wacky with what seemed like maybe 6 consecutive hits that all just barely escaped Verl’s clutches. It all ended with an 11-run inning for me thanks in part to a Knoblauckian fielding performance by Verlan. And Paul got blanked a second time.
In the 3rd Verlan put up 6, I put up 4, and Paul put up 4 for a total score of 15-19-4.
In the 4th and final inning Verlan drove in 3, and I padded my lead over Paul by putting up a modest 2. But as everyone knows, a 17-run deficit is like a free throw in wiffle ball so I wasn't about to give in to Paul. Paul looked like he was going to make a serious run but then he had a couple pop-ups and ended at a total score of 10.
Game Highlights:
- A mother and a bunch of school kids walked by us and stared at Paul’s ripped shorts. We determined that hitting one of them with a ball in play would count as a 2x homer.
- For the first time ever we ate Salvadoranean pupusas as our postgame fare. We ordered 3 then 2 more then 1 more and took it to go. In the end they only gave us 4 but charged us for 6.
- Paul had a homerun-distance bat toss in the 2nd inning.
- We used ‘Jockey’ briefs from Paul’s high school days as the home plate.
