WP: Crato (Gm 1); James (Gm 2)
LP: Pace (Gm 1); Mark (Gm 2)
HR: Crato (1)
This event was called for by our league historian, Mark, who noted that this would be the 10-year anniversary of the inaugural wiffle banquet marked by Pops's retirement. And it was to be of special importance because it coincided with Joe Friend's marriage eve eve.
We started off with a casual dinner at Pei Wei where, miraculously, all 6 of us ordered white rice instead of brown rice with our plates. Only Joe and I followed the implicit dress code of wearing our "old trusty nasties". James made a joke about Kurk Cameron's "groin pains" and Mark made hot-girl dance moves aimed at Joe; this was about the extent of the raucous bachelor behavior for the evening.
After dinner we made our way over to the church gym for the first ever league indoor game. We had to change the rules dramatically for the new venue and about half of the games' outs came as a result of hitting the ball at the roof before it cleared the first obstacle (roughly 5 feet in front of the pitcher's mound. We also imposed the rule that if anyone from the building (be it bishopric member or practicing ward choir singer) poked their head in the door, then the person up to bat would be penalized one strike; this occured to me and Mark only. The second game ended in controversy when Mark tried to hit a ball off the bounceback from the ceiling divider (based on a previously stated ruling) but it was ruled that since it bounced twice it was "unclean" and a compromise was reached that if he could make a 3-pointer the play would stand as a single. But he missed.
After that we commenced with the banquet portion of the evening. Pops kicked it off as the MC with a wiffle glove "wot wot" chant or something. Nobody understood its significance. Then Mark made a brief introduction and I presented awards to all in attendance.
- Pops - The FoxCam Award
- James - Yellow Vest
- Joe - Joe-i-fied Award
- Johnathan - Most likely to suddenly break John's "Longest Homerun" record
- Crato - Double Threat
- Mark - The Passion of Lambert Field
- Pace - MVP (Self-appointed)
Afterwards Mark organized a spin the bottle variation with a wiffleball bat. First Joe spun and then we didn't know who it was pointing at cause we weren't sure if the barrel or the handle ruled in this situation. So we had Johnathan spin it but we still hadn't resolved the barrel/handle issue. Then Mark suggested that Joe, Johnathan, and James run a race with their hips connected but nobody did it so we transitioned over to Wiffle truth or dare. Some truth or dare highlights:
- John acts out a scene from Bladerunner
- James does a topless summersault
- Crato accepts, and succeeds in, the challenge to fart
- Pace can't think of a high-priest joke
- Johnathan comes clean and confesses: "Pops is strange"
This was followed by a 10-year sketch presented by the English literate, James. We discussed posting a copy on the blog but realized that too many names and incidents would have to be redacted that it wouldn't make any sense. We then had a heartfelt Joe Friend tribute ceremony capped off by a framed photo of the famous Joe friend pitching motion. Then one of the high-ups in the stake opened the door and stared at us for a while in disbelief before contenting himself that we had committed to turn off the lights before leaving.
Game & Banquet Report by Pace Barker
